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"I'm a Non-Entity." (I'm a Mom.)

"I'm a Non-Entity". (I'm a Mom.)   by April Rowen

It turns out I'm a Non-Entity. And you might be, too. (Yikes!)

Because Grandma said so.

Really, she did.

We had a huge family reunion as the entire family (on husband's mom's side) gathered to mourn the passing of Grandpa and partake in the spreading of his ashes.

And to enjoy the annual crab feed.

What can I say? They're Portuguese and can handle loads of crab, wine, and good cheer amidst heart-ache. They also prefer a ratio of 5:1 linguica to scrambled egg. Want some egg with that sausage? No? Ok. Here's bacon. And garlic.

It was on Day 3, around lunchtime, that I became a non-entity. (Or came to realize my new title.) Kids were fed, cleaned and being MONSTERS! The Portuguese husband was outside with his Portuguese family (probably making sausage) and I.JUST.WANTED.TO.FINALLY.EAT. whaaa! Every time I shooed the kids and dove back into the fridge, one of them promptly found trouble. AGAIN. Hm, let's see what's in the trash...Let's see how long I can pull Molly's tail... Let's see what Grandma thinks if I rearrange her cupboards...

About 45 minutes later, I had lunch on the table. SUCCES---

"I need help wiping, Momma!" 

Arg! Hadn't I just pottied the kids? Poo again? I just wanted ONE STINKIN' SECOND OF PEACE AND QUIET AND SANITIZATION AND FOOD!

I blinked and choked back frustration. 

That's when Grandma hereby knighted me 'non-entity'. She put aside her tablet (she's very happily addicted to Hay Day, thank you very much) and leaned her ample, aproned bosom over crossed arms on the table. And chuckled.

Which irritated me.

She said,

"You're a non-entity right now."


"I'm a non-what?" Maybe she'd had one too many bites of linguica. And garlic. Did she just say what I think she said? Because that might really be too much! I might cry in my uneaten lunch.

"A non-entity." Grandma's eyes radiated warm love and fierce understanding. "It's the most difficult time in a woman's life-- to be a mom of young ones. You exist to meet their demanding, constant needs. Your comforts and desires are second-place to their comforts and desires. For now, the little ones come first and you... You're a non-entity." 

It must have been Grandma's eyes. Because suddenly -- just having that fierce struggle between SELF and SERVING be known, be recognized, be heard... well, shoot, it forever changed me. 

Someone else out there got it. Completely. They knew how hard it was. And they knew of that special season of non-entityness.

Then she made it all better by squeezing my arm and saying; "But it won't last for long."

So I'm a non-entity. For now.

There is a Season of Non-Entityness...

And while this might go against the whole "Love yourself", "Make sure you take a moment for yourself," "Take care of yourself FIRST" business... which I hear and believe and agree with my whole heart (except the love yourself thing, that's stupid.) there IS A SEASON of little ones that (mostly) just won't let you!!!

And if our expectations are that we're going to get and accomplish lovely showers, and lovely lunches, and lovely sips of coffee, and finish a lovely thought, and lovely ANYTHING (even chores) then We.Are.In.For.Disappointment. 

This is our time, Dear Mommas! Our time to rise up and serve and go hungry and be stinky and STILL STAY STRONG because we, Dear Mommas...WE ARE NON-ENTITY'S! HEAR US ROAR! (weakly, due to lack of food and sleep.)

Are you with me? (She says as she cries in a corner...goodbye, sweet self...) 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:" Ecclesiastes 3:1

Reader Comments (4)

You always seem to have it all together!! You are a great Mommy! It's OK to ask for help in family chaos situations. Hope you had as great a time as your kids did! AND after the garlic, you took them by yourself to So Cal for more non entity time! So proud of you!!! LOVE

April 1, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGma 2ma

2Ma, thank you -- since driving to So Cal, I can do ANYTHING! Garlic Family was so great about pitching in to help; I became spoiled :)

April 2, 2015 | Registered CommenterApril Rowen

As usual I can relate! Success!!! I had a "what about me" moment just last night. Kids showered and in bed check, baby changed and feed check,husband feed and content check, the list got longer until 9 o'clock rolled around and I finally sat on the couch to "relax" and watch some bbc anything adult tv! But alas my sweet hardworking husband was already watching motocross!!! Ahaha... I had said what about this mama blah blah blah. He didn't get it! So thank you for sharing so I can remember its just a season a very hard season... 😂😭😫

April 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterIvy

Oh no! Lol, Ivy, your story is too funny!

April 5, 2015 | Registered CommenterApril Rowen

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